Gosh its a bummer to spend your day off sick in bed. i think i might have an sinus infection.. but I am gonna try and just push through. it. I am prone to getting sinus infections. everytime i get sick it always turns into THAT. I guess i will be laying in bed on my computer today and surviving on these things here:
the blue cough drops are by far the best… the yellow ones make me feel sicker then I really am.
Brian is in California playing wedding singer (dont tell anyone i just said that). So my best friend is gone. but it might be a good thing because i need a little rest to get better…. if i knew he was around I would want to go out and play, so its better that i am getting rest. but just sitting around and resting really makes you think about stuff. like all the petty things i have to do today, and this week, and then all the stuff that gets put on the backburner comes forward and ads to the pile.. AND Then the deep level of life, dreams, ambitions, and concerns sets in…..and then i feel overwhelmed. hahaha. what a cycle.
So i come back to this decision from time to time. What do I do with MY life to benefit the kingdom? which direction do i put my full energy into?? photography, fine art, or design??? and what do i do with it?? for some reason in my head and my planning “i cant do all three. HOW would i ever market good enough for 3 things. focus it down to be most effective, PICK ONE, etc.”
I am so tired of thinking that way, but its the only way i know how. I am also tired of thinking and praying ” God show me what you want me to do, what do you want me doing with the gifts you have given me?” i pray that….. like I am not doing what God wants me doing. BUT maybe i am doing what God wants me doing at this time.
I often forget that life is a journey and that God has a life long journey for us.. not just one particular event or occupation for one period of time. I search Like i havnt found it yet, but in those default panic times, I just need to rest in him and know that I am in his plan.
Gosh i wasnt intending this post to go in the direction it did. i am surprised i kind of answered my own questions. geez. a couple verses that I go back to are:
Psalm 46:10: Be still and know that i am God; I will be exalted among the nations, i will be exalted in the earth.
Philippians 1:6: being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to complettion until the day of christ.