Gosh its a bummer to spend your day off sick in bed. i think i might have an sinus infection.. but I am gonna try and just push through. it. I am prone to getting sinus infections. everytime i get sick it always turns into THAT. I guess i will be laying in bed on my computer today and surviving on these things here:

the blue cough drops are by far the best… the yellow ones make me feel sicker then I really am.

Brian is in California playing wedding singer (dont tell anyone i just said that). So my best friend is gone. but it might be a good thing because i need a little rest to get better…. if i knew he was around I would want to go out and play, so its better that i am getting rest. but just sitting around and resting really makes you think about stuff. like all the petty things i have to do today, and this week, and then all the stuff that gets put on the backburner comes forward and ads to the pile.. AND Then the deep level of life, dreams, ambitions, and concerns sets in…..and then i feel overwhelmed. hahaha. what a cycle.

So i come back to this decision from time to time. What do I do with MY life to benefit the kingdom? which direction do i put my full energy into?? photography, fine art, or design??? and what do i do with it?? for some reason in my head and my planning “i cant do all three. HOW would i ever market good enough for 3 things. focus it down to be most effective, PICK ONE, etc.”
I am so tired of thinking that way, but its the only way i know how. I am also tired of thinking and praying ” God show me what you want me to do, what do you want me doing with the gifts you have given me?” i pray that….. like I am not doing what God wants me doing. BUT maybe i am doing what God wants me doing at this time.
I often forget that life is a journey and that God has a life long journey for us.. not just one particular event or occupation for one period of time. I search Like i havnt found it yet, but in those default panic times, I just need to rest in him and know that I am in his plan.

Gosh i wasnt intending this post to go in the direction it did. i am surprised i kind of answered my own questions. geez. a couple verses that I go back to are:
Psalm 46:10: Be still and know that i am God; I will be exalted among the nations, i will be exalted in the earth.
Philippians 1:6: being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to complettion until the day of christ.


3 responses to “COUGH DROPs with HOPES AND DREAMS

  1. you really are brilliant! i love you and am so glad that i get to be a part of your journey. it’s hard to be brilliant at so many things, trust me i know (hahaha), but, i really believe that as you are faithful with what you have been given that what’s ahead will become more strikingly clear!

    i love you best friend and loved our chat tonight!

  2. I’ll say a little prayer for your ills. Been there too many times. As to your life’s contemplations, I’m also continually on that journey. I know that cycle oh so well. Only in the last year, has God helped me find contentment with where He has me at the moment, with expectation of the great things that lie ahead. I believe that God doesn’t give you certain talents if He never intends to use them in the course of your life. From what I’ve seen, you are crazy talented in multiple forms of art and I think He’ll use His paintbrush to create your life’s portrait in one color, then mix it with another color, then change colors altogether (the colors being your gifts and talents). In the end, what a lovely painting that will be!

  3. if only i had a tenth of your talent, i wouldn’t be sitting here watching the lion king on repeat with a 3 year old all day. (not that that’s not rewarding) but i do wish we lived closer; i miss playing with you. once or twice a year doesn’t cut it. i just decided that i am gonna go out there soon. i’ll let you know when. miss you. love you.
    love marina

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